Q: Did you hear the one about the one legged flutist?

todd — Thu, 04 Aug 2005 17:49:00 -0400

A: His sheet music had no stand! (cmon, not bad for on the fly)

Normally the nut cases are my favorites, as I've pointed out numerous times. However, the new one has got to go.

He may get a visit from the cops.. he may get shot with a BB gun.. Hell.. I might run by and grab the flute from him, but that would require lots of scotch. I'm keeping the options open, but under no circumstances will there be a one legged guy with a flute, a clarinet, and a bongo drum sitting outside my apartment at 3am playing Mary Had a Little Lamb again.

It started out innocently enough, I mean, there are lots of street "performers" around. This guy was bad, but hey, it's the Gaslamp, you aren't going to be the loudest thing here no matter how hard you try. The cumulative sounds of the area will drown you out.

Until you buy a flute that is.

I was stunned. It wasn't loud really.. it just carried.. carried through my window, through my pillow, and into my head. And he was clearly not on the road to the symphony when he hurt his leg. It was as if I had gone out there myself with a flute I had found in a gutter.

At 2:30AM I snapped and went completely ballistic. I have a common Allen trait... Once I'm mad... I'm reaaaalll mad. And this poor sap couldn't even run away.

"Hey Zamfir, F**k you! Get the f**k out of here!" was my opener.

Then I started suggesting things I might do with his flute if he didn't leave immediately, but I'll spare your innocent eyes the details.

Being a one legged crazy flutist, he didn't seem to mind my screaming at him but I think he had a hobo guardian or something because another guy came over and made him put away his stuff. I'll be watching for the guardian tonight..

Once he's out of the picture, Zamfir is mine.

A Bachelor's Blog.: Tag street performer

Q: Did you hear the one about the one legged flutist?