The sex, the sax, and the socks.
Posted by todd Tue, 13 Sep 2005 19:28:00 GMT
AKA: Not getting any, got one, and got them all over my floor.
So, Gun Girl is officially gone.. Probably for good. That's life.
I'm officially Bachelor Todd again! This isn't really a good thing for me, nor what I wanted, but at least my stories will get more interesting again. It's all about YOU isn't it! You self serving bastards.
Like any real guy knows, after a breakup there are three things you must immediately do to get back into the swing of things.
1. Get blind drunk. When you can't move the next day due to a crushing hangover, you won't think about her as much.
2. Get pimped out and go hit on women. Even if they shoot you down, it gets you back into the game. This is a work in progress, and given the state of my haircut, I'm confident I'll get shot down.
3. Rent a Saxophone. Ok fine.. #3 isn't standard, but screw you it's my story.
Step 1 was easily accomplished, twice actually. Night 1 with my bartender friends, who fed me entirely too much Sambuca.(note: bartenders will hurt you if they know you live next door and aren't driving anywhere) Night 2 was with my friends that own/work for adult oriented companies (Welcome to San Diego). With those guys, their entire life is basically a big party, which really makes it hard for me to compete. After about 5 rounds of shots, my better judgment got to me and I retreated home, not to leave the couch until Monday.
Step 2, as I said, is a work in progress.
Let me walk you through the thought process that caused Step 3:
- Being single, I don't have much else to do. (10 hours/day on the computer is enough)
- It's healthier than drinking.
- It has lots of buttons on it, making it the closest instrument to a keyboard.. well, other than a keyboard. I type absurdly fast so it's sort of natural.
- At the very least I can squeal back at the bums when they bother me at night.
- A secret: I played Cello for many years growing up, even for the junior philharmonic a bit... until I quit during my death metal days. (Metallica stole that shit from ME!)
After spending an hour or so in the parking garage, I could play notes confidently enough that the cat wouldn't throw himself out the window. Don't get me wrong, I'm TERRIBLE... but at least now it doesn't just screech.
Now all I need is a blues song, and I'll be all set.. Lets try that.
The Bachelor Blues:
My baby done left me on Thursday.
(dun dun dun duh duh!)
She said she just needed to think.
(dun dun dun duh duh!)
My living room floor is all littered with socks,
and the laundry turned all my shirts pink.
The kitchen still smells like a fireplace.
(dun dun dun duh duh!)
I can't even look at the sink.
(dun dun dun duh duh!)
The bums are outside, playing ride sally ride,
so I guess that I'd better go drink.
I've got the.....
no lovin...
burnt oven...
not scrubbin...
bum buggin...
I got the bachelor blues.
Well Tonya served me up a strong one,
(dun dun dun duh duh!)
For good measure she had one herself.
(dun dun dun duh duh!)
Some scary lady, had her good eye on me,
but beside her I looked like an elf.
I've got the blues... I've got the bachelor blues.
-T-Bone
(Ok, so there should probably be at least one more verse, but I'm lazy.. So you make it up)
