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Ex-Girlfriends: Deaf Chick.

Posted by todd Sat, 20 Aug 2005 23:45:00 GMT

I've been busy lately so I have a lack of current funny again. However, I just had a TV show give me a flashback to Edinboro University (where I went to college). Back in the day (ok fine, and now) I had a habit of giving my dates nicknames... Meet "Deaf Chick"

Back in the day, before my fonzi like skills were perfected, I was just a normal computer geek. This was pre-world-wide-web days, so the "internet" consisted of text based chat boards.

While the computer science majors had a legitimate reason to spend all day in the lab, it was largely (ba dum ching) dominated by fat girls. You see, the anonymity of a text only world allowed the fat girl to pretend she was hot. They took full advantage of this and often spent entire days giggling and wheezing as they tricked some poor guy into chatting with them all day long. (what they didn't know was that the guy was probably a 55 year old who hadn't left the server room in 10 years.. but hey, whatever floats your boat)

Anyway... this has nothing to do with the story.

When an actually attractive girl walked into the computer lab, she stood out. So when Heather walked in, she was easy to notice. Unlike the normal girls in the lab she had zero, count em ZERO potato chips stuck to her. She had to be mine.

Like any good guy would do, I sat down next to her and thought up a way to talk to her.

When you are in a place you are comfortable, it's easier to meet new people. This was my place, so I started talking to her. (honestly I forget what my opening line was.. old age etc...). To my shock, she didn't say *anything* back. She didn't even look up from her keyboard. Totally rude.

Now, I tend to mumble, so writing it off to that, I tried again. NOTHING.

So, in my most suave style, I poked her.

THAT got her attention. She was shocked. I think I asked if I could borrow her pen that time, but now the problem became apparent.

She had massive, huge, hearing aids. (you couldn't tell with her hair).

Not one to be shaken by such things, I got her phone number without flinching. In hindsight, this was another mistake.. It's hard for deaf chicks to talk on the phone.

Deaf Chick and I dated for about 2 months (the standard at the time), and while it didn't work out (she was the most boring person I'd ever met), it was a learning experience and she was a very sweet girl.

The first thing I learned was that she also had pretty bad vision. When we'd go to bed, she would take out her contacts and hearing aids, and it was basically impossible to talk to her. I'd joke that we "spoke the language of luuuuuvv". (She wasn't very good at..um...speaking, either.. and not due to her hearing problem)

The other thing I learned was that watching television with the subtitles on is awesome. Do you know how well you can multitask with no sound?

Not to mention that with a deaf girlfriend, if you get in a fight you can say rude things, and she'll never know!

Next up, Indian Chick.