Bachelor meets Bachelorette, finds danger.
Posted by todd Tue, 10 May 2005 14:45:00 GMT
As a longtime bachelor I've dated many different types of women.
There is no discrimination based on race, creed, education or social stature. I mean, ugly is ugly, but other than that it's pretty much all on the table. At 30 years old I thought I had met all the major makes and models.
I stand corrected.
I'll call her Ruger. Ruger is a *total* sweetheart, and I could go into a long diatribe about how we met and all that romantic stuff; however this blog isn't about romance, it's about heavy drinking, bad jokes, and in this case extreme personal danger.
With that in mind I'll cut to the chase.
I met Ruger a few days ago through a friend at NuNu's bar. She drinks Tequila with no salt/lime, and I was fairly convinced she could drink me under the table. That being said, I'm a scientific person and therefore the only way to be sure was to test the theory.
After some sushi, sake, and sapporo we wound up back at her place drinking martini's. Now as I have pointed out in the past, the Martini was once a manly drink but has recently been reborn as a fru fru pretty girl drink. However, the ones she made were entirely Ketel One and Bombay Sapphire. She called them "Perfect Martini's".. I call them rocket fuel. At any rate they aren't pink, but you will be if you drink a few of them.
When drinking rocket fuel, it quickly becomes apparent that your driving abilities are probably less than optimal. In fact, your *speaking* abilities are less than optimal, so driving is right out. I soon determined that I wasn't going home, which was fine with me and almost certainly part of her plan... so we went to bed.
Now at this point the story clearly sounds like a win in bachelor land right? Right.
Well, miss bachelorette lives alone in this really neat house that has a great ocean view and therefore lots of big windows. Not exactly the safest place for a single girl, what with all the weirdos in California.
Shortly after getting into bed, I realize that there is something strange under her pillow. Whatever you are thinking it might be, is wrong. Perverts!
What she *did* have there was a 9mm Ruger pistol! It was straight out of a blockbuster movie! (I'm sure you have noticed their large "hot chicks with guns" selection)
Don't get me wrong, I own guns.. Hell, I've even got a 12 gauge under my bed; even so there is still something that strikes me as.....spooky about a woman having a pistol IN HER BED.
Don't overreact here, I wouldn't want you to think badly of me. After I checked the chamber to make sure it was empty and noticed the clip was on the floor, the evening went out with a bang! (nudge, nudge, wink, wink!)
I just need to be very, very nice to this woman.
You may be shocked to know that occasionally I make women, um, well, insanely angry.
I've been punched, slapped, tackled, even had my hair pulled out. Imagine what the angry girls did! However this is the first time that a woman has actually had the means to take me out. To boot, she's ex-military so I'm sure she knows how to aim.
A lesser man would run away, but hey, it's got a bit of Laura Croft going on.
They make very fashionable Kevlar these days anyway.
That’s kinda hot.
Ever in Philly, let’s do tequlia shots w.
ha! You’re on!
T
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