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Drink Like A Man.

Posted by todd Tue, 14 Dec 2004 19:20:55 GMT

If it's true that you can tell a lot about a person by what they drink, then there are a lot of "skinny pirates" in California. My opinion, is that if you order a rum and diet coke, you should be immediately removed from the bar. If you are a MAN and order that drink, you should be forced to stay, and wear a fuzzy pink eyepatch while you drink it.

In the old days, a martini was considered a manly drink; largely because James Bond drank them. Unfortunately, if James Bond ordered one today he would almost certainly be captured (temporarily) before the bartender finished shaking the fifteen different fruits together for his Flirtini. Alas, women now own the martini. In my opinion, they can keep them because lets face it, everybody wins when women drink Cosmos.

This only leaves a few drinks other than beer that a man can drink without being looked down upon. These drinks are Scotch on the rocks, and the Gin and Tonic.

Scotch is the drink of the intelligent drunk. It invokes thoughts of smoking rooms, Irish Setters (yes, I know that Scotch is not from Ireland.. I don't make the rules.), and of course massive, massive intoxication. It is the manliest of educated drinks. I mean, 151 is clearly more manly, but there isn't anything intelligent about it.

Scotch should be your drink of choice, except in bars where college age women are present. This is a special case. Ever feed a baby a lemon? It's fun! This is exactly how college girls react to Scotch. They think they want to try it, taste it, and then make funny faces.

On the other hand, babies LOVE Gin and Tonic! Now you know.