Theory of Barbershop Relativity.
Posted by todd Wed, 01 Dec 2004 19:06:57 GMT
AKA: Don't tell a bald barber you want your hair cut "short", and other wisdom.
I got my haircut during lunch today, and I went to a new barber. I may have underestimated my proximity to the naval base, because I now look like I should be holding a rifle. I did run around yelling "YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH" for a bit, which made it ok. However, next time I will be sure to specify what "short" means.
I have a deep seated distrust for people with scissors. This is mostly due to the fact that I used to date hairdressers. On the upside, hey, free haircuts! On the downside, you instantly know where your relationship stands whenever you look in the mirror.
For instance, Angie cut my hair for years. Typically, she would cut my hair very nicely, so I looked as good as possible when we went out together. Sort of like getting your car washed. Unfortunately we argued quite a bit and my head was the barometer of love. In hindsight I should have known when to bring an umbrella. Once she bleached my hair WHITE... And then dumped me. Another time, convinced me to shave my head razor bald... And then dumped me (pattern, anyone?) :) I am certain she told her friends "lets see that ass get a date NOW!", at which point they would giggle and read their tarot cards.
Which brings me to my next bit of advice which is, don't ever let your girlfriend/wife/whatever read your tarot cards. Besides being silly, it will also lead you into conversations you don't want to have.
See, Tarot cards are designed such that you can read whatever you want into them. A good psychic will ask you questions in such a way that the cards will seem to tell you something. An angry woman will ask you questions in such a way that the cards will seem to tell you that you are an asshole.
"Ooooh, the king of cups, reversed.... This means you are hiding something and you should just admit it."... "OOOh.. the 5 of Pentacles... Unrequited love." (haven't bought her flowers lately, HAVE YOU!). I'm sure you see where I'm going.
Since my last date was with a lawyer, I'm totally screwed... Aren't I?
This girl couldn’t handle the truth either….
http://www.laughinglynx.com/sounds/mp3/JackNicholson.mp3
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