edit

Famous/Slightly Crazy Ex-Girlfriends: Lauren.

Posted by todd Sat, 02 Oct 2004 05:45:00 GMT

UPDATE: Apparently a lot of people get here looking for pics of ex girlfriends. I presume the ones below are really what you want... click for more :)

---

But, back to MY story....
Famous/Slightly Crazy Ex-Girlfriends: Lauren.


Or, "The Story of the Stunt Fish"

I just talked to an old friend today. This reminded me that I should tell a story about her... Like to hear it? Here it goes.

Lauren was a girl I met in the computer lab (surprising I know). I think she liked me because I would get irritated trying to help her with programming and just write the code for her. I think I liked her because she was freaky and had a nice rack :)

She was also, as it turned out, off her head bonkers fucking crazy. (side note: I still know her and she is still, bonkers fucking crazy.)

I sometimes get flack from people who say I call all girls crazy. I can't help it if a lot of girls are nut jobs, and once you get to know them (Stevie?) you realize I'm right.

It was winter break, and Lauren was going home to Pittsburgh but didn't want to take her zebra fish with her. That seemed fairly understandable, and since I had no plans other than drinking and consuming illicit substances for the next month, I told her I'd watch the fish. Fish are pretty cool with those things handy, in case you were wondering.

It all went smoothly, except that the black light on the cage burned out while she was gone, so I replaced it. Unfortunately I couldn't find another blacklight, so I went with a standard fish light. All was well, and I gave the fish back to her at the end of the month.

The next day I got a phone call that said "I can't fucking believe you would do this". I pondered the various things I had done, but couldn't come up with anything very exciting. My response was something along the lines of "huh?". "You killed my fucking fish, and didn't think I'd notice?!?! They don't even look like the same fish Todd!! I can't believe you would do this and then not have the balls to even tell me!" She always had a way with words.

Lauren was absolutely convinced that I had murdered her fish, and replaced them with STUNT DOUBLES.

Now, anyone who knows me realizes that I'm a bit too laid back to get worried about whacking a few fish. If I killed her fish I probably would have replaced them, but I certainly would not recruit stunt doubles in hopes of getting away with murder. She was very angry. I tried to explain to her that little fish might look different when they were under a white light, instead of a black light, but she was in a rage by this point and was having none of it. I graduated shortly thereafter, with my good name still tarnished.

Lauren is "knocked up" now. (She still has a way with words). All I know is, I'm not babysitting, and that kid is getting some fish for it's birthday.